38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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