my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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