Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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