i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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