SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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