oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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