the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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