Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
