I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
