i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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