I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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