In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
