Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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