I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
