I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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