he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
