Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
whose parrot is this?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
