he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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