if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
look no pants
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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