And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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