You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
