Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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