how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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