i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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