Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
