I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
