dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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