In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
