sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize