i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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