every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
