Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
