this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
