...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
