Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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