You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
