Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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