Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
