she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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