I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
