I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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