Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
