If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
