I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
