i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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