I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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