Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize