Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
