She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
