dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
