I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
