Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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