Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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