he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Too much gin, very little bucket
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
