Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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