is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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