The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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