3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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