i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
