dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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