he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
