We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
