I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
