Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
