I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
