dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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