The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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