I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
