Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
