Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I had to cum in my sink.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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