so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
