Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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