Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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