based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
