I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
