i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Randomize
