I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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