How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
