85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
