is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize